Chapter One
Bunny Elizabeth Winstead was a girl bunny, and she always dressed in a yellow cheerleader uniform that had a big orange B over the tit part.
The B stood for bunny.
Bunny hopped through the cornfields, trying to get as far away from the Kent farm as she could. God forbid Clark saw her peeing pussy blood onto the grass. Something like that could ruin Bunny in his eyes, and he’d never want to bang her.
“Bunny!” said a loud voice, “Are you okay?!”
Too late! Thought Bunny, as she saw Clark standing there in the cornstalks, his blue eyes looking her up and down.
She was so distracted by how hot Clark was that she almost forgot about the shame for a second, forgot about the blood she was peeing out of her bunny pussy.
Clark was wearing his red Smallville High letterman jacket over his shirtless torso. His body was so big and muscular, and his face was so boyish and handsome, plus his Kryptonian hair was so shiny and thick!
Sometimes Bunny stayed up all night with her headphones on, listening to Lucky Girl by Fazerdaze, fingering herself while imagining Clark Kent was her boyfriend. She imagined that he loved her the way he loved Lana Wang, that he banged her every night with his super-dick and made her cum a million times!
“I’m okay,” Bunny said, “it’s just it’s my bunny period today.”
“I’m so sorry Bunny,” said Clark, “I feel like such an asshole! It looked like you were bleeding to death.”
“Bunny periods aren’t like human periods Clark. Humans jam tampons up their pussies to suck up the blood. My pussy blood builds up, if I don’t pee it all out, the blood backs up until it enters my heart.”
“What happens when the pussy blood enters your heart?” said Clark.
“I die!” Bunny said.
Bunny finished peeing and pulled her cheerleader skirt back on.
“All done!”
“Did you hear about how I killed that kid with bug powers?” said Clark.
“Yeah,” sighed Bunny, “I heard!”
“What’s with the sigh?” said Clark.
“It’s just I feel totally pointless sometimes,” Bunny said, “I never get to use my electricity powers to stop meteor freaks. It’s a total waste of time because my powers are shitty next to yours.”
“Your powers are awesome!” said Clark.
“No they’re not!” Bunny said, “Electricity powers are stupid, especially when you live in Smallville. Nobody needs electric bunnies when they’ve got the great Clark Kent with his super strength and heat vision!”
“I’m sorry,” Clark said, “I can’t help it if my powers are awesome! What do you want me to do? Stop saving people! Stop killing meteor freaks?”
“No,” Bunny said, “I want you to go somewhere else, someplace big like Metropolis, a place where they could really use somebody like you. I can stay here and handle the meteor freaks, they’re totally gay!”
“I’m not ready for Metropolis,” Clark said with a shrug of his shoulders.
“When WILL you be ready?!” Bunny said.
“Maybe after nine or ten more years.” Clark said.
“Nine or ten…,” Bunny said, “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re bullshit! This isn’t about being ready. This is about that Oriental bitch!”
“Leave Lana Wang out of this!” said Clark as he pointed a finger at Bunny.
“Face it Clark!” Bunny said, “Lana Wang is never going to leave Whitney! She’s never going to bang you!”
“She will bang me,” Clark said, “But whatever, you’re being totally mean, I’m out of here…”
Then Clark disappeared in a burst of super-speed.
Ugh, Bunny thought, now Clark thinks I’m totally mean. He’s never going to bang me!
Just then Bunny felt a buzzing in her pink Sidekick phone.
When she looked at the screen she saw a text from someone she hadn’t heard from in years:
YOU HAVE ONE MESSAGE FROM OCEAN CAT.
BUNNY ELIZABETH WINSTEAD,
I NEED YOUR HELP! MEET ME IN THE OCEAN!
YOUR FRIEND,
OCEAN CAT
CHAPTER TWO
Two days earlier…
In the ocean…
An ocean playground…
Mommy fish and octopuses are playing with their babies, pushing them on swings, throwing them down slides…
One baby shark in a stroller cries until his mommy picks him up and snuggles him in her fins.
“It’s okay baby,” said the mommy shark, “mommy’s here, everything is going to be okay.”
But something in the ocean sky got the baby wailing again, the mommy looked up and began to scream…
It was an eagle, shooting down through the water from the sky above the ocean.
An eagle with a fucked up bloody beak, a rotten black hole where his left eye used to be, and a tattoo on his right wing that read: BORN 2B CRAY!
The other baby sharks and mommies noticed the mother’s scream, but it was too late!
The eagle came right for the baby in the mother shark’s arms. His beak ripped through the baby shark’s face and neatly ripped the baby shark’s body into two pieces. The baby shark’s earlier meal of minnows spilled out from his open guts!
Then the eagle ascended, shooting through the water until he broke free from the waves and flew towards the blue sky above, leaving the mommy shark cradling the pieces of her baby in her fins.
CHAPTER THREE
Ocean Cat stepped off the sea train and onto the platform, carrying his brown Versace briefcase.
He lit a cigarette and sucked it like a dick.
Fuckin’ Sharkvale Station, Ocean Cat thought to himself, never thought I’d be back here, not after what happened on the train that night.
Ocean Cat heard someone loudly coughing behind him and turned around to see a fat manatee glaring at him. The manatee had a man bun and an old-timey beard that made him look like a fat, gay version of Reckless Kelly.
“Pardon me,” the manatee said, “I have quite sensitive lungs. Would you mind putting your cigarette out?”
“Sure,” said Ocean Cat, as he stuck his cigarette right into the manatee’s eye, and put the cigarette out on his eyeball.
“AHHH!” screamed the manatee.
“You fat piece of crap!” laughed Ocean Cat, “Nobody fucks with Ocean Cat!”
“Well,” said a friendly voice that sounded like Kelsey Grammer, “looks like some things never change old friend.”
“King of the Sharks!” Ocean Cat said.
He looks even handsomer than I remembered, Ocean Cat thought, as he looked at his old friend.
The King of The Sharks stood there, he was dressed to the nines, in a slim cut grey Givenchy suit, tailored perfectly to fit his muscular shark body. His golden crown, covered in giant diamonds, emeralds, and blue sapphires, sat atop his head.
“Looks like time has treated you well old friend,” The King of The Sharks said as he leaned over to kiss Ocean Cat on his kitty nose.
“Ew you homo!” Ocean Cat said, “Don’t kiss me! I don’t like kissing!”
“Apologies dear friend,” The King of The Sharks said, “I could not help myself. You are even sexier than I remembered.”
“Let’s go back to the castle and fuck!” Ocean Cat said.
“I am quite eager to fuck you, but first I must stop at city hall.”
“Why?” Ocean Cat said.
“The ocean founders have called me in for a meeting,” The King of The Sharks said, “I am afraid there was a great tragedy today. A baby shark was murdered!”
“Murdered?” said Ocean Cat, “Who in the heck would want to murder a baby shark?”
“Apparently it was a sky bird,” The King of The Sharks said, “an animal they call eagle!”
CHAPTER FOUR
They called him Ripper, and he was the coolest killer whale in Ocean High.
Ripper wore a purple leather jacket with a circle of Zodiac sings drawn on the back. He also had a goatee and drove a Mitsubishi Eclipse.
“Oh Ripper,” said the hot teenage girl killer whale, her name was Terry, and she was lying on her back on the ocean floor staring up at Ripper, “I want you to bang me!”
“I’m getting ready,” Ripper said, “I know I’m the coolest kid in school, but I’ve never banged anyone before.”
“Don’t be nervous,” Terry said, “I’ll show you how. Just stick your killer whale dick into my pussy!”
“Uh,” Ripper said, “I need to make pee pee first.”
Then Ripper swam away, leaving Terry alone to stare at the ocean sky and dream about the land beyond the waves, the place where cats came from.
Terry closed her eyes for a second, when she opened them she saw the creature floating above her.
He was a one eyed eagle with a crooked beak covered in dried blood, and in the eagle’s talons he held a pair of pruning shears.
The eagle swooped down on Terry and ripped into her tits with the pruning shears, clipping them up into a wet mess that looked like sloppy joe.
The eagle made a sound that was like snickering.
The eagle heard high pitched screaming and saw a killer whale in a purple jacket crying.
“Terry!” screamed Ripper.
The eagle flew at Ripper and hooked his jagged beak into Ripper’s ball sack.
Ripper couldn’t believe he’d gone from getting laid to getting his nuts ripped off in a few short seconds, things had gone from zero to sixty even faster than his Mitsubishi Eclipse’s turbocharged engine.
The eagle flew backwards, pulling Ripper’s nut sack away from his body, until the sack ripped and his nuts spilled out.
The eagle flew away, snickering at his decision to leave Ripper alive, alive and nutless!
CHAPTER FIVE
The King of The Sharks entered City Hall with Ocean Cat at his side. As soon as he came into the room he faced the angry glares of the ocean founders, six grouchy looking squids with grey hair, all six were dressed in identical brown suits, suits that looked like the kind a poor person would buy at the Salvation Army.
The ocean founders sat at a large picnic table, the cheap shitty looking kind that you’d see being used in the gymnasium of a public high school in Queens.
The third squid from the left spoke first, “Ah, King of the Sharks, have you come up with a solution to these eagle murders yet?”
“Murders?” The King of The Sharks, “are you saying there have been multiple murders?”
“Correct,” the squid said, “this afternoon a killer whale named Terri was murdered, and her boyfriend Ripper was castrated.”
“Ew!” Ocean Cat, “somebody got their dick ripped off?”
“Nuts actually,” the squid said, “but I resent your question land creature! You have no business speaking on matters of the ocean.”
“Is that right?” Ocean Cat said, “you really think a cat named after the ocean has no business speaking on matters of the ocean?!”
The King of The Sharks put his hand on Ocean Cat’s shoulder.
“Calm yourself friend,” then The King of The Sharks spoke directly to the ocean founders, “until this eagle is captured I propose we cancel the dance of the dolphins. It’s just not safe to hold such a large event with a murderer on the loose.”
“Cancel the Dance of the Dolphins?” said the squid, “the ocean economy relies on that dance, almost ninety percent of the ocean’s income is generated by that one event!”
“I’m out of here!” Ocean Cat said, “These squids are assholes!”
Then Ocean Cat stormed out of the room on his kitty paws.
“Listen to reason dear founders,” The King of The Sharks said, “our duty is to protect the citizens of the ocean. I must insist that we cancel the dance!”
“I suppose we can always find a new king of the sharks,” the squid said, “cancel the dance and you’ll find yourself without a throne!”
“Fine!” The King of The Sharks said as he stormed out of the room.
CHAPTER SIX
Back at the shark shaped castle that The King of The Sharks called home, Ocean Cat and the King of The Sharks snuggled and kissed each other.
“I missed snuggling you,” Ocean Cat said, “longest two years of my life.”
“I missed you too dear friend,” The King of The Sharks said, “I hope someday that you’ll explain that two year absence to me.”
“Explain it?” Ocean Cat’s fur puffed up with anger and he stopped snuggling the shark, “you exiled me for two years after that night at Sharkvale Station.”
“Exiled dear friend?” The King of The Sharks laughed, “Are you speaking in jest? I never exiled you.”
“You seriously don’t remember,” said Ocean Cat, “it was New Year’s Eve and we were riding the train downtown, and then it stopped at Sharkvale Station…”
CHAPTER SEVEN
New Year’s Eve…
Two years earlier…
Ocean Cat and The King of The Sharks were riding the sea train and they were both drunk as fuck!
They were both dressed in brown glittery suits with the upcoming year printed across the backs in pink letters.
The King of The Sharks also had a dreamcatcher earring dangling from the left side of his shark head, a common signifier of gayness in the ocean.
Somebody else on the train was holding a boom box that played Miss World by Hole really loud.
“Ew,” Ocean Cat said, “why the hell would somebody play such a depressing song on New Year’s Eve? I’m trying to party!”
The King of the Sharks put his fin on Ocean Cat’s shoulder, a fin that was covered in a fingerless leather fin glove, “Calm yourself friend! Try to enjoy yourself!”
The King of the Sharks pulled out a bottle of Crown Royal and drank half of it, then he passed it to Ocean Cat and Ocean Cat finished the rest.
The train came to a stop.
“SHARKVALE STATION!” the conductor said.
“This is our stop,” Ocean Cat said, “are you sure you’re not too meowed up?”
“No way friend! What art thou speaking of?” The King of the Sharks said with drool spilling over his razor sharp shark teeth.
Just then a group of six Puerto Ricans stepped onto the train, and they were headed directly down the aisle towards Ocean Cat and The King of The Sharks. The Puerto Ricans stopped in front of their seat, blocking them in.
“Shit,” Ocean Cat said to the Puerto Ricans, “you’re blocking us in, we need to get the meow off the train!”
The biggest Puerto Rican, a giant with so many tear drop tattoos on his face that it looked like he was crying just stood there and laughed at Ocean Cat.
“Yo gato! You ain’t getting off this train dry.”
“What the meow are you talking about?” Ocean Cat said, “Of course I’m not getting off this train dry, this is the ocean, nothing is dry here!”
Then the Puerto Rican unzipped his fly and pulled out his brown dick, a dick that was covered in cumdrop tattoos, and he peed right in Ocean Cat’s face.
Ocean Cat let out the most fearsome meow anyone had ever heard and turned into a flying ball of fluff and claws.
His claws ripped through the Puerto Rican’s dick and balls and the man collapsed to the floor of the train.
The King of The Sharks vomited all over himself at the sight of the Puerto Rican’s ripped up dick.
“What have you done my fuzzy friend?” The King of The Sharks said.
“This asshole peed on me!” Ocean Cat said.
“I’m afraid I must pass my kingly judgement on you,” The King of The Sharks said, “I am the law around here.”
“Shut up King,” Ocean Cat said, “you’re really drunk. You don’t know what the meow you’re talking about!”
“I’m afraid I must exile you for two years, two years in the Mariana trench!”
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Are you telling me I drunk exiled you my dear friend?” The King of The Sharks said.
“Of course I am asshole!”
“You have my sincerest apologies,” The King of The Sharks said, “I shall grant you a royal pardon immediately!”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Ocean Cat said, “do you realize how bad it sucks in the Mariana trench? The pressure is so bad, it’s like being on an airplane, and the only people to hang out with are megalodon sharks.”
“Tell me about the megalodon,” The King of The Sharks said, “I have always been curious about my giant cousins.”
“There’s nothing to tell,” Ocean Cat said, “they’re giant assholes!”
Just then a young shark who resembled The King of Sharks entered the royal chamber.
“Father! Are the rumors true?” The Young shark said.
“What rumors do you speak of my dear prince?”
“Peter the dolphin heard a rumor that you were going to cancel the dance of the dolphins!”
“Calm yourself son,” The King of The Sharks said as he put his fin on his son’s shoulder, “we considered it, but the ocean founders insisted the dance must go on.”
“I am so relieved father,” The Prince of The Sharks said, “for I am to read my new poem as part of the festivities.”
“Are you meowing kidding me?” Ocean Cat said, “You’re going to let your son go to the dance of the dolphins? With that crazy eagle out there?!”
“Who is this furry chap father?” The Prince of The Sharks said, “He seems quite disrespectful.”
“His name is Ocean Cat,” The King of The Sharks said as he gave Ocean Cat the side eye out of his black shark eyes, “I actually have some important business to discuss with him so I must banish you to your room.”
“Farewell dear father,” The Prince of The Sharks said as he swam out of the royal chamber.
CHAPTER NINE
Bunny Elizabeth Winstead sat on the sea train sipping on her can of Sunkist orange soda. She was listening to R5, her favorite band, the lead singer Ross Lynch was probably the only person in the universe who was as hot as Clark Kent.
When Clark had heard about her mission he had insisted on coming.
“Bunny, I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Clark Kent said.
“Ocean Cat called ME Clark!” Bunny said, “I’m the hero the ocean needs! Can’t you just let me have this one thing?”
“Okay fine,” Clark Kent said with a grouchy look on his face, “there’s no reason to be totally mean to me!”
Then Clark had vanished in a burst of super-speed.
I’ve never had to use my powers to save someone, she thought. But then she remembered the one time she used her powers heroically. It was the night after the prom, when Clark Kent had saved Lana Wang from a tornado.
Lana had shown up at the Kent farm dressed in a sexy lingerie, Bunny saw her sneaking up to Clark’s bedroom window in the dark and had confronted her.
“What the hell are you doing here Wang? This is private property!”
“I’m here to see Clark,” Lana Wang said, and Bunny couldn’t help noticing how Chinese she looked, even though she was only like half-Chinese, like a fucking Weezer song come to life, the wet dream of every lonely nerdy asshole.
“See Clark for what?” Bunny said.
“After he saved me from that tornado and I felt how strong his arms were, my snatch got wet, I realized the time had come for me to bang him.”
“What about Whitney?” Bunny said, “Aren’t you guys engaged.”
“Clark don’t care about the ring that I wear.”
“What the fuck?” Bunny said, “Did you just reference an Uncle Kracker song?”
“Maybe,” Lana Wang said, “What’s it to you anyway? It’s not like you’re Clark’s girlfriend, you’re just a silly bunny!”
Then Bunny had lost it and she felt her electricity powers flowing from her vagina and into her bunny paws.
“Silly bunny!” screamed Bunny as she shots her bunny lightning straight up into Lana Wang’s cunt hole.
Lana screamed and grabbed her cum craver as smoke leaked through her fingers.
“You burned my beaver you crazy rabbit!”
“If you don’t get the fuck out of here now you Oriental piece of shit I’ll burn your pussy and titties until there’s nothing left! You are never going to bang Clark!”
Then Lana Wang ran away crying.
Bunny noticed the conductor, a small goldfish, swimming by and she took her headphones off.
“Excuse me,” Bunny said, “How long until we reach Sharkvale Station?”
“Three hours,” The Conductor said.
Ugh, Bunny thought to herself, the sea train is totally slow!
Bunny put her headphones back on and put on Wild Hearts by R5, it was her favorite song ever and it totally inspired her. Her bunny paws were clammy and she felt her heart rate rise. I have nothing to worry about, Bunny told herself, nothing in the ocean is as dangerous as Lana Wang’s dirty Oriental dick dungeon!
CHAPTER TEN
“I always wanted to fuck you on your throne,” Ocean Cat said as he stuck his kitty dick into The King of The Shark’s butt.
The Sonos speakers filled the throne room with the sound of Scott Weiland’s voice as he sung Big Empty.
Time to take her home, her dizzy head is conscience laden…
“Uh that feels excellent,” The King of The Sharks said as Ocean Cat pumped his dick in and out to the beat of the song.
Ocean Cat’s fur was soaked in sweat and he was starting to wheeze.
“Why art thou wheezing?” The King of The Sharks said.
“Cuz I’m meowing tired!” Ocean Cat said.
“Thou must cum then and be finished with it,” The King of The Sharks said, “I have already cum.”
“I can’t meowing cum!” Ocean Cat meowed as he pulled his dick out of the shark’s butt, “I can’t cum inside a meowing pussy like you!”
“What art thou speaking of?” The King of The Sharks said as tears poured from his eyes.
Ocean Cat jumped off the throne and landed on his kitty paws, then he ran over to the dresser next to the throne and pulled open the bottom drawer.
“Stop it with this art thou shit,” Ocean Cat screamed as he pulled a small purple box out of the drawer, “you used to talk normal, you used to talk like Michael B. Jordan and now you sound like some kind of homo!”
“Don’t you dare touch that box!” The King of the Sharks said, “I swear by the lords of the ocean I will bite you in half!”
“There he is,” Ocean Cat said, “there’s the king I remember!”
Ocean Cat opened the purple box and pulled out a pair of fingerless leather fin gloves, and a dreamcatcher earring.
“Remember this shit? You used to be tough! You wore this dreamcatcher in your head so you could be openly gay, you didn’t give a meow what people thought.”
“Those days are long gone friend,” The King of The Sharks said, “I’ve embraced my role as king. I’m afraid that openly gay badass no longer exists! If anything I now identify as non-binary.”
“It makes me want to throw up when you say shit like that,” Ocean Cat said as he pulled a package of make-up wipes out of his Versace briefcase and pulled out a make-up wipe, “but not everything can be stuffed away into a dresser drawer.”
Then Ocean Cat jumped onto The King of The Shark’s back and rubbed the makeup wipe on the shark’s dorsal fin.
“No!” The King of The Sharks said, “Please don’t!”
“You can’t erase your past that easily man,” Ocean Cat said as the make-up wipe revealed a faded tattoo on the dorsal fin. It was a band logo: THE DONNAS.
The coolest band ever!
The King of The Sharks shook his body around until Ocean Cat was thrown off his back.
“What was the purpose of all this dear friend?” The King of The Sharks said, “I refuse to believe that my new persona has prevented you from cumming. I’d prefer to believe that the pressure of the Marian Trench messed your pee pee up!”
“Prefer to believe what you want shitbag,” Ocean Cat said, “but the truth is that you’re a coward. You’re too scared of the ocean founders to do what’s right, to protect your son’s life!”
“Coward am I?” The King of Sharks said, “I am afraid I must banish you from the ocean! Go back to the land where you belong! I never want to see your fuzzy face again!”
“Fine,” Ocean Cat said as he picked up his briefcase, “I’m out of here but I just want to know one thing.”
“What?” The King of The Shark said.
“Do you still have the Eagle Talon? Or did you sell that too along with your balls?”
The King of The Sharks bared his many rows of teeth in anger, “OUT! OUT! NOW! YOU ARE BANISHED FOR ETERNITY!”
CHAPTER 11
Everyone in the ocean filled Gay Stadium that afternoon.
The Dance of The Dolphins was the Warped Tour of the ocean, the most important cultural event ever!
Every seat in the giant stadium was sold out!
The King of The Sharks took the stage:
“Welcome citizens of the ocean! Whether shark, octopus, stingray, or eel, today is the day we all come together! To celebrate the ocean’s great diversity. Now let me welcome international superstar Poppy to the stage!”
Poppy walked onto the stage, dressed in a pink vinyl dress, and began to sing Bleach Blonde Baby into the microphone, and she looked every bit the bleach blonde baby with her perfect hair and perfect skin and perfect everything.
As Poppy sung, a dozen dolphins danced around her, like dolphin John Travoltas. They were the best dancers ever. Dancing so amazing it went almost beyond words and was impossible to describe.
As Poppy sang the lyrics, “If you cut me I bleed pink!” The entire crowd erupted into applause. All except for one tiny figure up in the nosebleed seats, a tiny figure whose face was obscured by a brown hooded robe that made him look like a miniature Obi Wan Kenobi.
While the rest of the audience felt joy, this figure only felt fear and anger.
Poppy finished singing and floated off the stage until she reached the ocean surface and vanished.
Then The King of The Sharks took the microphone in his fins.
“Hath the ocean ever experienced anything as wondrous as Poppy’s music? I should think not. Now, it fills me with great pride to introduce the next performer: My son The Prince of The Sharks shall read an original poem he prepared just for this day!”
The audience once again exploded into the loudest applause the ocean had ever heard as The Prince of the Sharks walked onto the stage, he was dressed to the nines in a grey Moschino V-neck sweater, with a tiny fedora sitting atop his shark head. His eyes were covered in pink Oakley sunglasses that had mirror lenses.
The Prince of The Sharks held a small piece of paper in his fins and began to read in his princely voice:
“Did you hear about the shark that grew from a crack in the ocean floor? Proving the ocean’s law wrong, it learned to swim without fins. Silly it be, but by keeping its teeth, it learned to bite everything! Long live the shark that grew from the ocean, when no one else ever cared!”
The Prince of The Sharks dropped the mic, along with the piece of paper, and the audience all rose up from their seats in a swimming ovation.
All except for that one tiny figure in the brown robe, and it was that figure who was the first to see the eagle.
The eagle with the rotten black hole in his left eye socket, and the shitty tattoo on his wing, but this time he had something else. A chainsaw in each of his talons, both saws revved up to full tilt.
The eagle swooped down over the stage, running his chainsaws through several of the dolphins, grinding their flesh up into bloody hamburger.
The Prince of The Sharks stood frozen in fear.
It was in that moment that the tiny figure in the brown robe threw off his robe and revealed his furry kitty body. Then Ocean Cat puffed out his fur and let out a kitty roar and exploded into a ball of fluff and claws, a ball of fluff and claws aimed directly at the eagle.
Before the eagle had a chance to fly out of the way Ocean Cat slammed into his wing and ripped it off with his claws, ripped off the tattoo that read Born 2B Cray.
But then the eagle flipped over and sliced through Ocean Cat’s left paw with the chainsaw, cutting off the cat’s claws and knuckles.
Ocean Cat crashed to the stage in a splatter of blood.
“Father!” The Prince of the Sharks said, “Where art thou?”
The King of The Sharks swam towards his son as fast as he could but the eagle was already hovering over the Prince, and he brought both chainsaw blades together, cutting the prince neatly in half!
The eagle dropped the chainsaws and flew up as fast as he could, laughing to himself, he enjoyed the sound of the King of The Shark’s cries.
The eagle had never known love, his rotten eye had prevented him from finding a mate, no girl eagle would ever love him! He was forever alone! But these ocean creatures would share in his misery! They would learn what it was like to suffer a life devoid of love!
Then the eagle flew up until he breached the ocean and vanished into the sky!
CHAPTER 12
The poop brown 1994 Eagle Talon was sitting up on blocks. Its Mitsubishi TSi 14B Turbocharged 2.O liter 4 Cylinder engine had been cold for years.
The King of The Sharks lovingly polished the bump on the hood, the most distinctive feature of the Talon, a feature shared with its sister car, the Mitsubishi Eclipse.
The King no longer wore his crown, it had been replaced with a dreamcatcher earring, fingerless leather fin gloves on his fins, and The Donnas tattoo on his dorsal fin was no longer obscured by make-up.
Hole’s Pacific Coast Highway was playing on the small boom box the King kept in the castle’s garage.
Courtney Love sang, “I knew a boy that came from the sea, he was the only boy who ever knew the truth about me.”
Then a meowy sounding voice interrupted the king.
“You were my boy from the sea,” the meowy voice said, “every night I spent in the Mariana trench I played that song on my iPod and it made me think of you!”
The king turned around to see Ocean Cat standing there the stub of his severed left paw wrapped in a bloody bandage, and next to him was a girl bunny in a yellow cheerleader uniform that had a bright orange B on the titty part.
“I don’t wanna hear that homo shit bitch!” The King of the Sharks said in a Michael B. Jordany sounding voice, “Who dis nikka with tha bunny ears?”
Ocean Cat’s fur puffed up with horniness.
“It’s nice to hear your real voice again,” Ocean Cat said, “no more of that homo art thou bullshit!”
“Somethin wrong wit yo ears?” The King of The Sharks said, “I axed you who dis bunny ass nikka be!”
“Allow me to introduce myself king, my name’s Bunny Elizabeth Winstead,” Bunny Elizabeth Winstead said, “I’ve come here to help you.”
“King?” The King of the Sharks said, “I ain’t no king! I be a kang!”
Ocean Cat fist bumped The Kang of Tha Sharkz, paw to fin, “It’s good to see you back, I just wish it wasn’t cuz this piece of shit eagle killed the prince.”
“I don’t even give a fuck anymore,” Tha Kang said.
“I had a son once too,” Ocean Cat said with a sad look on his kitty face, “he was murdered by some psycho in hockey mask, and the worst part is I never even paid child support on him.”
Bunny Elizabeth Winstead hopped over to the Eagle Talon and rubbed her bunny paw across the hood.
“How much horsepower does this thing get?” Bunny said.
“About 190,” Ocean Cat said.
“Fuck dat shit!” The Kang of The Sharkz said, “Wit my modificationz dis nikka getz 210 horsepowers!”
“Then we need to take this thing off the blocks now and get it running!” Bunny Elizabeth Winstead said.
“WTF?” Ocean Cat said, “Why?”
“I have a plan,” Bunny Elizabeth Winstead said.
“Wut plan be dat exackly, Bunny wit da good fur?” The Kang of the Sharkz said as he stroked his shark chin.
“We’re going to use an Eagle to catch an eagle,” Bunny said with a smile on her face, and she was so excited the electricity pulsed through her body and made her fur glow with a blue light.
CHAPTER 13
“I hope dis bird azz nikka knows we about ta bring it!” Tha Kang of The Sharkz said as he rode the Eagle’s clutch, not caring if he fucked up the transmission, he’d never been that good of a driver.
“It’s better if he doesn’t know we’re gonna bring it,” Bunny Elizabeth Winstead said from the backseat as she sipped on a can of Sunkist, “We need to surprise him.”
Katy Perry’s Rise was playing on the stereo.
When the fire’s at my feet again…
And the vulture’s all start circling…
Ocean Cat’s fur puffed out, and he felt himself getting pumped up.
“This song is so underrated,” Ocean Cat said.
“Katy Perry is totally awesome!” Bunny Elizabeth Winstead said.
Tha Kang of Tha Sharks shifted into ninth gear and the Eagle’s 4-Cylinder engine realized the full pontential of it’s power as they drove deeper and deeper into open ocean.
“Stop here!” Bunny Elizabeth Winstead said and Tha Kang slammed down on the brakes so hard with his tail that the car stopped short and made Bunny spill her Sunkist all over herself.
“God damn it!” Bunny Elizabeth Winstead said, “I didn’t tell you to stop short! I spilled Sunkist all over myself!”
“Chill out ho!” Tha Kang of Tha Sharkz said, “I be mad rich, ahm’a replace those clothes wit diamondz and shit!”
“Fine,” Bunny Elizabeth Winstead said, “Whatevs!”
“So what’s this plan of yours?” Ocean Cat said.
“You two hide in the trunk,” Bunny Elizabeth said, “let me handle the rest!”
The eagle glided through the water, the pain of his scratched wing was enough to make him cry, but he also cried about his lonliness.
Nobody will ever love me, thought the eagle, it’s not fair!
But then he saw something black and shiny sitting at the ocean floor, as he descended, he saw a black shiny creature that looked like a car, and as he looked closer he saw a tiny eagle face on the hood of the car!
An eagle the Eagle though, she’s different somehow. She isn’t flying away from me!
The eagle’s hear filled up with joy as he landed on the windshield of the Eagle Talon and rubbed his dick up and down on the glass.
I’m finally going to cum he thought.
Bunny Elizabeth threw the Talon’s door open and swam out, then she summoned up all her electricity powers into her paws and turned to face the eagle, his face was twisted up in orgasmic delight, and that’s when she let out her electricity burst.
The eagle screamed in pain as he felt the elecriticty course through is body and set his feathers on end.
Then Bunny Elizabeth Winstead pulled the lever under the steering wheel to pop the trunk open.
“Do it now! Kill him!” Bunny Elizabeth Winstead shouted.
Tha Kang of Tha Sharks and Ocean Cat sprang from the trunk and went straight for the stunned eagle.
Tha Kang bit into the eagle’s lower body biting his butt and talons off.
The ocean water was soon red and cloudy with eagle blood.
Then Ocean Cat ripped through the eagle’s neck with his right claw, tearing his head off, then he caught the head in his kitty mouth, chewed it up, and swallowed it.
“Yay!” Bunny Elizabeth Winstead said.
The three heroes all gave each other a high five, and then Ocean Cat looked at Tha Kang of Tha Sharkz.
“I love you so much kang!”
Tha Kang of The Sharkz pulled Ocean Cat into his fins and spun him around in the water, then he kissed him like nobody in the ocean had ever been kissed before.
“I wuz always gay for your ass!” The Kang of Tha Sharkz said before he stuck his shark dick into Ocean Cat’s ass.
Ew, though Bunny Elizabeth Winstead.
EPILOGUE
Bunny Elizabeth Winstead sat on the sea train sipping on a Sunkist and listened to Desire by Meg Myers, her Sunkist was no longer orange, she’d decided to try grape out of respect for Tha Kang of Tha Sharkz.
Ugh, she thought as she listened Meg Myers’ sultry voice sing I want to fuck you, nobody will ever desire me…
Then Bunny Elizabeth Winstead felt her Sidekick phone buzzing and opened it up.
YOU HAVE ONE MESSAGE FROM CLARK KENT.
Wtf? Thought Bunny.
BUNNY,
I WAS WATCHING THE NEWS.
YOU’RE A HERO!
I DON’T CARE ABOUT LANA WANG ANYMORE!
YOU’RE THE ONE I WANT TO BANG!
THE END?